plz talk dirty to me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
