I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
