What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pants are for mortals
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
