u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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