Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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