I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
