they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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