i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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