I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
