; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
