just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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