youre lurking in front of me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
