I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
