he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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