I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
