just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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