Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
