Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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