Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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