the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
