we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
either way he was missing a nipple.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
