somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
