I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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