Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wear drunk well.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
