I showed him my bush... on skype.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
