and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
