Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
