those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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