it was like having sex with a tree stump
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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