Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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