When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
