Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
