well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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