did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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