part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
