So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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