Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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