Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
