And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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