She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
