She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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