You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
