Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
