Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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