he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
