If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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