Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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