Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
