i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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