Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
