just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
