is your mom at the bar?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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