Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
