that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
