my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
