I need help removing her.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
