Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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