I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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