I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
