so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
