I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
