We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
