please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
