u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
