You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do vagina's smell?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
