I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
