I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
