woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
