i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
