Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
