just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
