I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
