how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
