I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
