either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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