I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
