We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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