so explain again why im purple
no
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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