i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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